I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
