So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
