He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
