the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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