I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
