I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
