I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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