is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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