Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
