I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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