I think my vagina is haunted
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
