With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
