remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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