ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
