First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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