So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
