She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
