Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
