could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
