Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
