I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
