it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
