mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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