Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we're so committed to being not committed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
