Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
