wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
