The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
