TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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