And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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