You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
