I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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