Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize