Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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