i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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