Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
