I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
