grandma shit on top of the toilet
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This baby is an asshole
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
