capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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