I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
