So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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