I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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