guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
