he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
