I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just pee around me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
