i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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