I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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