You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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