im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
