Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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