i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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