is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
