I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
