His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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