I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
