guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
