you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
