Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
