I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
