i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
