my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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