Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
