is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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