I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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