Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
