; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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