OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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