So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
