he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
