I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
