just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
