are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
