it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
