fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
