Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
